retwien (retwien) wrote,
retwien
retwien

london

Well I am here in London again, not again for this journal but again for me. I thought that I might not write as much after all those entries, and guess it was true. I guess i have had a lot ot say and a lot of feelings etc, but of course if I try and think of any at this moment then it will be hard.

Have finished work for the summer holiday now. Finished last wednesday and then went to Prague for a couple of days with Eva. Was nice, but was not like I was impressed by much in that have seen buildings like there are there in Vienna and Budapest... I guess maybe I should take more time to appreciate the details and stuff but I am not that patient in that sense, i guess i kind of rush around things, even when i am in galleries etc... and buildings etc are not the most important things in life. Although they are quite good actually, i do care about them and i do appreciate the atmosphere they create and I notice the differnce between buildings and the feeling they create already now that i am here again. I was of course more thinking about things in life etc, as holidays often are, times for reflection etc... I always notice that I start to get imaptient to be somewhere else when i am there and am already thinking about coming home to normal life and sutff and sorting out any situations, epecially when i am not with best friends as such... I was however quite relaxed for me, but then knew that it was only going to be a couple of days....

I started to try and eat a bit more healthily since going to Prague because seem to have been getting more obsessed with my eating, more as time goes by. I was always talking about my weight a lot and stuff but feel that in the past year especially it has really increased. (The amount of time and energy i spend on talking and worrying about it.) Usually it has not stopped me from eating, but was feeling like was really well somehow getting worse in my mind, and there were loads of cakes and stuff in the past few weeks for some reason. It is when i notice myself squeezing into my clothes that i feel bad. I was feeling that way. I was doing ok, but in the past couple of days was better. Today however have just eaten a whole load of pizza and chocolate. I know it is a stupid thing to be obsessed with and causes so many problems in this life etc, but some how can not help it. (I don't mean stupid in that it is stupid when people are obsessed with it. I completely see why, just when i look at it as a topic and wish that i was not, because it is such a common thing and should be able to recognise that and somehow stop being obsessed because it is not worth it. Guess you need to feel good about yourself to stop thinking about it.)

Anyway, had better go, cause want to talk to liz and stuff seeing as I am here, can write more tomorrow in Devon or something... I can also say that i have told the person i liked that i like him. feel like i can say it becasue I have told him if you see what I mean... (Although have told a few people...) anyway, will write more about it later. just to say that it was not easy at all to say it, but was just too much in my head. however did not really get a response in a positive or negative way and so though i should take it negatively cause if he felt something guess he would have said, can not forget it or move or whatever because it still does not seem completely negative, but then that is of course what i would want to think.... will write more anyway.... bye for now... sarah
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